


Into the Light of the Cold, Black Night

by w00t4ewan



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Affairs, Alternate Ending, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, One Shot, episode 9x14
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-23
Updated: 2015-01-23
Packaged: 2018-03-08 18:14:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3218627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/w00t4ewan/pseuds/w00t4ewan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate Ending for "200"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Into the Light of the Cold, Black Night

"I knew they'd call you," JJ whispered, "I knew it." The echo of gunshots faded into the chaos of agents storming the room. She was fighting to remain conscious, her head pounding, eyesight blurred. Familiar hands unhooked the restraints around her wrists, she felt the full weight of her battered body slump around the tone arms wrapped around her.

"Help Matt, please," JJ pleaded weakly. She clenched her eyes shut in an attempt to stop the room from spinning, the adrenaline coursed through her veins preventing her from feeling the pain from her injuries. In the heat of the moment she willed herself to stand and fled in search of Hastings while her fellow agents assisted Matt. 

JJ had been through hell, abducted, electrocuted and tortured within an inch of her life. Yet the physical trauma was nothing compared to the psychological damage Askari and Hastings had inflicted on her. She had lost her unborn child to these madmen and as the saying goes, 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned'. Hotch had taken care of Askari but Hastings was hers alone. It would be bitter irony to slay him with Askari's gun, JJ looked forward to it.

She rushed towards the roof, only seconds behind Hastings. She tried to get a clear shot as he rushed over landings and towards a ladder leading to the highest point, he paused momentarily firing wildly in her direction. She missed a bullet just barely, her damaged body not able to react as quickly as she'd hoped. Familiar arms pulled her behind the corner, Emily protectively took the lead seeing JJ's weakened state. 

Emily took Hastings down with a running tackle, just as JJ made it up the ladder behind them. He managed to land a closed fist across Emily's face, which knocked her off balance. JJ felt a surge of energy as she saw the brunette hit the ground. With all of her power, JJ rushed Hastings. She managed to land a few good punches before finishing him off with a forceful side kick. The kick sent him staggering backwards as he grabbed JJ's ankle and fell from the roof. JJ managed to barely catch the edge with her fingertips. Emily appeared out of no where and grabbed her hand as her fingertips gave way.

"I got you," Emily wheezed as she hauled JJ up and over the edge safely. JJ rolled over on her back staring into the darkness above. The chase was over, Askari and Hastings were both dead. She was safe. For the first time adrenaline gave way to sering shock waves. JJ screamed in agony as pain ripped through every fiber of her being. 

Suddenly there was a swarm of medics. Disjointed voices asked her questions as she struggled to follow the pen light with her eyes. The initial shock had worn off and she had slipped into total numbness. Her body felt heavy, but she could no longer discern where the pain was coming from. She was cold, her body had begun to convulse involuntarily, those comforting brown eyes stared back at her as she felt fingers intertwine around hers.

"Hold on, Jayje. Just hold on, you've come this far," Emily murmured forcing back tears. "You've got to hang on for me. _I love you._ "

Time slowed to a stand still as those last words filled JJ's head and everything slipped into darkness.  
___________________________________________________

For National Security, she had not been able to tell her BAU family the true nature of her assignment with the State Department. However, after Emily's staged death, she was no longer directly part of the BAU. It was the loophole they both needed. Although Emily always played the stoic type, Ian Doyle had managed to break her. 

JJ remembered the flight to Paris. Emily's ability to compartmentalize had failed her in those hours, leaving her vulnerable. Although they had always been good friends, the precious moments during that flight were what JJ cherished most between them. 

Emily had stared into the abyss and it had stared back at her, consuming a part of her she would never be able to recover. Ian Doyle might as well have taken her life in that warehouse because the Emily Prentiss everyone had known and loved died that night. Though her body had healed, she had been left with a fracture deep beneath the surface weakening her foundation. 

Up to then, Emily had always been JJ's knight in shining armor. But when the script was flipped, JJ found herself wanting nothing more than to shield Emily in anyway she could. Seeing Emily in pain had aroused new feelings in JJ. She could still remember sitting across from the older woman, watching her suffering, seeing the tears slide down her cheeks. JJ had been at a loss for words and instead had let her actions show Emily how much she cared. 

It had started as a chaste kiss of the cheek, the same way JJ comforted Henry when he was hurting. However, the desperate need to feel again had overcome Emily and she turned to kiss JJ's mouth. The press of innocent lips on hers sparked a tiny flame inside the darkness. It was a timid flicker of light that danced inside the void of her heart and in that moment she felt alive again. The warmth grew to consume her. Transforming the innocent flame into an overwhelming desire, which eventually consumed them both. 

They had vowed to never tell anyone about their time together. Under any other circumstances, they would have never crossed that line. But in desperation JJ had offered her body as a last resort and Emily had drunk her down like a succubus. After spending a week in the throes of passion, Emily reemerged from the darkness. Transformed, like the blackbird who learned to fly on broken wings.

When the time was right Emily finally returned home and JJ had been surprised to find that forgotten flame reignite. Doyle had been killed, leaving Emily with mixed emotions. She had sought solace in her friend. When general words of comfort had failed, they fell back into old habits. Emily clung to JJ with all the fervor of which the drowning seize life preservers, surviving the storm once more. 

They agreed to keep things casual, knowing anything genuinely emotional would be far too complicated and would eventually lead to their demise. The arrangement worked for a while, sex with no strings attached. However what started with simple comforts after a particularly brutal case lead to more and more nights together. Anything became an excuse to meet up, from JJ having a fight with Will to Emily having nightmares about Doyle. 

No matter how much they tried to deny it, their creature comforts had become necessity. Yet keeping to their agreement, neither of them brought up the difficult conversation. Instead, their relationship became more intense. As the carnal attraction became harder and harder to satiate they began to explore darker avenues of pleasure. Too stubborn to simply admit their plan to remain objective had failed, they began fighting each other for dominance. It definitely made for interesting foreplay but ultimately sent them spiraling out of control. Constantly trying to outdo one another they began to live dangerously, breaking all of their original rules of engagement. Risky behavior became essential to reach climax. They began to hook up at work in an empty office, in local police stations while working a case and even once in Garcia's technical sanctuary. 

But working at the BAU had taught them that anything could come crashing down in a single moment. It was only fitting that the Queen of Diamonds would be the one to blow over their house of cards. When JJ had been faced with the possibility of losing Will, she had forgotten any notion of Emily. Emily had seen it in her eyes. The bank had blown and the team had been momentarily separated. Yet, when the smoke cleared it was Morgan calling out for Emily, not JJ. No, JJ only cried out for Will. With one look into those blue eyes, Emily was forced to realize she would never be more than the mistress. JJ would never be able to freely love her like that. 

Emily was the one to call it off. They had promised each other not to fall in love but promises are too often broken. Emily had put on a brave face and broken the news to JJ that she would be accepting Clyde's offer to head up the London Interpol office. Surprisingly, JJ had completely lost it. No longer able to hide her true feelings she crossed the line and said those three painful words. _I love you_. Three simple words, so often overused, ended up being Emily's downfall. She painfully, desperately, wished to repeat those words over and over to JJ until the sun and moon ceased to orbit the earth and their ashes had long faded back into the stars. But Emily had seen first hand what kind of future stemmed from love born out of deceit. She knew in her heart that their love had been born from the void, baptized in flame and was inevitably destined to burn into ash. 

Emily had to completely shatter JJ's hopes they would ever have more. She had to make sure JJ never fought the "what ifs". Emily lied and told JJ she didn't feel the same, that she never would. It had all been a mistake that had gotten out of hand. She had to break her heart to save her. 

Reeling from the loss, JJ ran back to the only person who had ever loved her unconditionally. She begged Will to give her what Emily had so easily torn away and he had obliged. Although she found happiness with him, she had never been able to fully let go of Emily. Now, Emily had come for her. Now she had a chance to make things right.  
___________________________________________________________

"Jayje, you have to make it. Goddammit. You can't quit on me now," a voice broke through the veiled silence.

"Emily?" she asked groggily into the emptiness. 

JJ began to stir, stretching slightly under the covers. She became instantly aware of the tightness of her muscles, the dull ache behind her forehead, she sting of the electrical burns covered in sterile gauze beneath the stiff fabric of the hospital gown. She tried to open her eyes to no avail.

"It's okay. Take your time," the calming voice urged. "Can you hear me?"

JJ's eyelids were still too heavy, so she mustered all of her energy and nodded slightly. A comforting hand wrapped around hers and she squeezed it the best she could. 

She heard footsteps and was aware of new bodies entering the room. Slowly her brain began to decipher the familiar sounds of a hospital room. The oxygen tank humming slightly, the calming monotonous beep of the heart monitor, the distant calls of the PA system. 

Desperately seeking to gaze into those loving brown eyes, JJ forced her own baby blues open. The light blinded her, threatening to make her lose her stomach. She winced.

"You can do it, I'm right here."

She followed the encouraging words, trying again, slower this time. She focused on the sound of the voice pulling her back from the darkness. JJ felt the comforting touch of fingers against her cheek, she nuzzled into them. 

"I knew they'd call you, I knew it," JJ smiled meekly. Shadows began to take shape as she regained focus. "Emily, I _knew_ you'd come."

The hand stopped stroking her cheek as she blinked wildly up at the person sitting next to her. To her surprise she was staring into the pink glasses and confused gaze of Penelope. Penelope opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted. 

"Jennifer, do you know where you are?" this came from a male voice near the foot of the bed. He was an older man, wearing blue scrubs and a white lab coat. He slowly moved a pen light in front of her straining eyes. She followed it back and forth.

"I'm in the hospital," JJ whispered. Her voice barely audible through her unbearably dry throat. 

"Good job!" He praised. "Now, do you remember what happened?"

She wished she could have forgotten what Askari had done to her, but she was not that lucky. Flashes of her torture ripped through her mind and she fought from crying. She nodded silently, searching for the right reply.

"I didn't give them the codes. I didn't break," JJ reassured him. 

"We know JJ," Hotch's voice came from the end of the room. "You've been through hell."

JJ slowly moved her head to see Hotch in the doorway. Still half asleep, she glanced around worriedly for signs of the brunette. There were flowers and balloons scattered around the room, how long had she been unconscious? 

"It's okay, JJ," Penelope cooed. "Calm down cupcake, you're going to give yourself a head rush."

"Where is she?" JJ asked. "Where's Emily?"

The room fell silent as concerned looks passed between her friends. Penelope's lip quivered and she reached down to squeeze JJ's hand.

"Doctor," Hotch nodded toward the hallway, "May I speak to you?" The older man took the cue and followed the senior agent into the hallway and out of earshot. 

JJ felt her stomach tighten. Something wasn't right, Emily wouldn't have left before she knew for sure JJ was out of the woods. JJ closed her eyes and tried to remember.

Askari had been seconds away from shooting her. A shot fired. Hotch's voice. Arms wrapped around her, Emily's arms. She had held her, helped her down. JJ had gone after Hastings, Emily had been there, saved her from getting shot. On the roof, Emily had gotten there first. She had pulled JJ back to safety in the nick of time. She had kept her awake until medics arrived. 

"Where's Emily?" JJ asked again, this time a bit more forcibly.

"You really don't remember?" Penelope bit her lip and tears slowly streamed down her face. 

JJ thought harder, what was she missing? In her darkest hour, just about the time she thought she was finally going to break, Emily had been there. When JJ needed to stay strong, it had been Emily she had envisioned. Despite how things had ended, Emily had come back to save her just as JJ had come back when Emily had been abducted. They were each other's constant. They were meant to be.

There was _something_ else. Another memory, just beneath the surface. JJ closed her eyes and searched the darkness for the answer, but it was like there was a missing piece. She couldn't figure out exactly what it was, but it began to make her stomach churn. She remembered the last moments on the roof, Emily's raspy voice whispered _I love you_.

Penelope watched as JJ's face worked through the confusion. Flashes of a smile here and there, a quick frown, a bite of the lip. JJ relived their entire relationship from start to finish, looking for the answer. Suddenly her heart quickened in her chest. Her body shook and she clenched the bedspread in her hands at the only possible answer. 

"No, oh god no," JJ whispered. 

Tears were swelling in the corners of her eyes, her heart pounding so hard it threatened to rip through the walls of her chest. Penelope broke down and began sobbing, _JJ I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry_ she mouthed silently.

JJ closed her eyes and flashed back to the roof. She could make it out clearly now.

Suddenly there was a swarm of medics. Disjointed voices asked her questions as she struggled to follow the pen light with her eyes.

_Emily. Why was Emily on the ground?_

The initial shock had worn off and she had slipped into total numbness. Her body felt heavy, but she could no longer discern where the pain was coming from. 

_JJ pushed away an EMT and crawled to Emily's side._

Emily was cold, her body had begun to convulse involuntarily, those comforting brown eyes stared back at JJ as she felt fingers intertwine around hers.

_Blood. Why was there blood?_

"Hold on, Jayje. Just hold on, you've come this far," Emily murmured forcing back tears.

_The bullet hole. There was a distinct bullet hole, exactly where Emily had gotten the blackbird tattoo to cover up that godforsaken clover._

"You've got to hang on for me. _I love you._ "

_JJ had felt her pulse fade as she watched the life drain from those beautiful endless eyes._

"No, NO!" JJ shrieked, finally finding the full strength of her voice. She began sobbing between screams.

The commotion brought Hotch and the doctor running back into the room. Hotch looked to Penelope and understood immediately. The doctor called down the hallway to a nurse, he made his way to the bed and tried to subdue JJ. The nurse came in with a syringe of clear liquid. The doctor administered the dosage into JJ's IV and within moments she relaxed back onto the bed.

"Jennifer," Hotch began. "I'm so sorry, but there's something else..."

JJ blinked through tears as her body felt heavy, trying to fight the sedative. She looked past Hotch, wanting to focus on anything other than those broken eyes. That's when she first noticed one of the nearby balloons.... _Congratulations!_ adorned with a pacifier.

JJ looked down at her stomach slowly, she wrapped her arms around herself and cried softly. She was pregnant.

**_Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these sunken eyes and learn to see.  
All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free._ **


End file.
